get outta here 2010

we in there.

the life I'm living at the moment.
drains me. suffocates my lungs. stresses my mind.
trying to find, the way out.
complaining left and right
i just want to take a flight and make everything alright.
no one can do anything.
i'm lost.
my thoughts scrambled
my mind is swirling.
the maze is endless.
chasing after myself?
which way should i go.
the ceilings become low

expressing my love for gossip girl.

Lover to Friends or Stangers...

Best friends turn into lovers? Best Friends before boyfriend/girlfriend? You'll only be friends after you break-up, if you were friends before? I don't know how I feel about all of those. Best friends turn into lovers ... ehh. Best Friends before boyfriend/girlfriend...yess. Friends after break-up ... probably not.

Best friends turn into lovers. Probably the most cliche thing ever, I think. & probably not a good idea in the end. Cause if the relationship ends, then ... its done. Thats just what I think. I think you should be someones best friend before you date them but (in the back of your mind) you thought..maybe this can be something more. But if your best friends originally and then out of nowhere feelings come into play. then good luck. I think people can be friends after breaking up but its hard. It matters how deep the relationship is. Personally, I don't think I'm a fan of doing that. If we're done then we're done. It's a hi bye thing and nothing more but thats just me..

When most girls meet a guy (vice versa), what are your first thoughts? do you think.."hmm am i interested or is he cute enough to date?" or "i wanna be his friend!" or nothing. I dont know but my initial thought is to label them : friend type, cute but nothing else, or interesting/i'm interested or just..."hmm, your cool." I do it subconsciously and then I go from there. I always felt like when boys spoke to girls they think : "she's cute. lets talk" (not exactly those words, but you get my point). Its a generalization. Thats just what I've seen but i have no idea since I'm not a boy sooo...someone educate me on that.

Where did Jhene come from? I heard this song and I asked my friend..whoes this girl cause her voice sounds so familiar. She just came out of no where like "hey drake, lets make a song." I like the song but at some points I find her voice annoying..well here's the old jhene. haha :



now i used to love this song.

really, american apparel..

Miss me, Miss me

I've come to the conclusion that the words "I Miss You" from the opposite sex doesn't mean shit. It's true, if you really miss me then DO SOMETHING about it. If I'm the one always initiating chill sessions then its a "one way street." I just think the words I miss you might become one of those words that is thrown around too quickly. Cause people are definitely lying. But then there's excuses : Your always busy. My reply: No, I'm not .. crickets crickets. Now what? Of course if we live in two different states or if I actually am busy then its all good but usually the people that say it the most to me don't live in a different state. I decided that I miss you is officially useless to me when it comes from most people (not all). So just, save your breath.

This song is very quote-able for my life.

He likes you too.

People need to appreciate what they have right in front of them more often. I was laying in my bed thinking about this topic but I never got to write about it. I was thinking about how my twin (ngina.. haha <3) tweeted (paraphrased).."if i had you she probably has you too. It was something like that. But anywhoo, it's so true and that really annoys me. I was thinking about "being a player" or being a "sucessful player."

I have more respect for people that are open players then people that keep that on the DL (or attempt to). "I'm not a player, I just crush alot." Okay, thats fine ... just let it be known. I've have the attitude that if your a player then okay, do you and i'll do me. It does not bother me that much. But if your trying to be a player behind peoples back, then shutup and sit down. That's annoying. Specifically, when you fail at being a player. I hate finding out.. "so and so likes him, oh and she likes him ALSO. and he just talks to both of them." And then I'm like "whaaaat?" Of course, your not going to go to someone and be like "hey, i'm a player," but theres those boys that try their hardest to make sure no one knows they talking to the whole world.

Personally, just be straight up with me, if you love another girl but are open to talking to others..then say it or drop hints. I don't want to turn around and see that your dating some other girl cause that means....you were using the same lines to me and her. (oh and i hate when people use the same lines or text 2 girls in the same room. if your going to be a player, make sure your slightly good at it.) I know girls who agree with me and girls that are like hell no so it just depends the female. But, there's females that are players also. and i definitely understand that. its a two-way street. But girls are better being "players" then males. Its an arguable statement but that just what I think personally. & with that.. this is MY opinion and this is what I think so if others as in (females) disagree. exit out and just don't read this cause we'll probably never agree on anything I say on here.

With You

So I've actually written like a bunch of poems within the past two years, I either lose em or never edit/finish them though , lol. But here's one I wrote on monday, i think. Everything I write is inspired by someone or someones (i won't lie like its not) but don't try asking me who. So yeah..this one, I don't know if i like it thaaat much but I don't feel like looking for my better ones. byee

So I did it.

I kissed you.

You kissed me.

Passionatly?

Not really.

As I kissed you, I didn't feel anything.

My thoughts were turning and my heart

it wasn't burning.

I didn't feel empty,I didn't feel alive.

As you touched me, I wondered ..

whats missing. do we just need time.

nothing in my body is saying I want you

to be mine. But my mind is like ... why?

Your everything. The ideal one.

I wondered what would happen between me and you.

It happened..... and now I'm left wondering...what happened.

I'm not blind. I think everything went fine but somethings wrong.

My mind was gone.

After I walked away, I thought to myself all day.

Something must of gotten in the way.

When my mind is set on one, I compare.

I know we're not done and its only begun

But if I know your not the one, then why bother

why try to take this even farther.

I don't what to say but

I did it.

I kissed you.

Let's split it.

How come the whole boys paying for girls on dates isn't common anymore? Nor is the boys holding doors for girls (or maybe I'm just around the wrong type of males).I was laying down thinking about this whole .. "you should be a gentleman to ladies thing." Since people I'm around are 'young adults', do males think they're exempt from this until there adult. Cause they're kind of ... not. I went to the movies with someone recently and he paid for the movie. It felt really strange for some odd reason. I'm so used to paying for myself for everything that when someone else pays I'm like .. hmm okay. I'm not against it of course but I'm also like .. "I can pay for my own shit." But then again, heyy if you want to pay for me go right ahead. Thumbs up in my book, but if you don't then it's cool, there's no thumbs down or anything. My sister had an encounter where a male said lets split it and the check was like 20$. Mind you she's above 18; therefore, the male is too. Now, thats a mess. Once I'm above like 20 ... all the males I date should be paying for everything on our date unless I offer (which I probably will cause i'm not crazy superficial). But I do want the option thrown out there. .. just saying.

As for opening the doors for girls, I've seen more white males do this then black males and that makes me go -_-. Most (not all) males I know don't remember to open the door, unless I'm standing there like "Are you going to open the door?". Then they're like "oooo yeah..". Reactions like that are not cool. I'm not the type of girl that will go crazy if you don't open the door for me but if you never open it, then you'll probably here a comment. I just think those two things males need to do a lot more. But right now, I don't care that much but when I become older then it'll matter. As for things, like opening my car door thats um ... unnecessary. I can open my own door, thanks. And why doesn't anyone go on legit dates any more? Shit, maybe its the recession but I see all these cute dates in movies (yeah, i know its a movie) but it can easily done in real life. I don't know but I see myself becoming extremely picky in the future because of the males I've encountered throughout my time in high school. once again .. just saying.

Kinda hoping you don't pick up.

I hate calling people. Maybe not, I hate calling people for the first time. I don't really like talking to people before 11pm either. I'm not good at returning calls or picking them up. Basically, my phone is used for texting and 30 second conversations. But, I don't mind speaking to someone before I go to sleep cause I find it easier for me to fall asleep after. Maybe since I used to talk on the phone all the time (during the house phone days) and since technology is more advanced, that is the reason I'm not huge on phones. The only reason I'm talking about this is because I just called someone at ... 10:30pm , I think and in my mind I was thinking (ehhh, I don't really feel like having a conversation right now so I hope you dont pick up.) I was just calling to call and to prove a point mainly, but then again it was my first time ever calling the person so theres thoughts of that. .. "awkward conversation", which I don't think it would have been though.

And then theres the ..."yooo if he's calling you after 9pm, he's tryna holla." Someone told me this once. I sort of think its true in a way. My opinion: you don't call a girl after 11pm (9pm is kind of early) if you want to just talk..you know and be *friends* (as in you have no physical or mental attraction to this person and don't plan on trying to have one). Thats stupid, you can just talk on aim, facebook chat, or text message. Late night texting, sexting, whatever it is.. is a whole other story. If i'm spending time having a conversation with you, it better last more then 10minutes cause I think conversations less then 10mins after 11pm could of waited till the AM. Waste of time and sleep.

The reason I don't call people until really late is because its the only time where I know I wont be distracted by: aim, facebook, someone walking in my room, and maybe someone texting me. If I talk to you earlier in the day, the chances of me saying hold on 100times are pretty high. I don't pick up a lot of calls because .. I don't even know. lol. Either you caught me off guard, I'm busy, or simple..I don't feel like talking which happens a lot. But theres some people that I'll probably always pick up there calls unless I'm not at my phone. And with that i don't know what to say but if theres an emergency or you need my help. text me .. or leave me a voicemail ha.

Wizzzz*

The Name (continued..)

I don't know how I feel yet about writing about my thoughts / topics on a blog that everyone can see because sometimes my thoughts might be rather ... offensive -_-. But I'll censor. But back to why I picked the title of my blog to be "Social Medicaid" cause I wanted a title that wasn't cliche but kind if in a way .. cool and "deep" (yeah, not really.) The song 'Social Drugs' is basically about the world and society we live in. The way I interruprut it is that, she is talking about dealing with struggles by using drugs ... but she's not actually using drugs. It's more of a metaphor. It also talks about breaking the barrier and how people try to bring you back. At least, thats what I think but anywhoo...

I picked the word Social Medicaid from the song because 1. The word social. I want to talk about social topics in this, cause i have a lot of opinions about a lot of things that I see around me specifically in MA / Boston Area. & 2. The word Medicaid. Seeing as Medicaid is suppose to be a program that helps low-income familys receive medical help, I interrupted it as ..Medicaid (me-di-cade) ; when people help you but its not really working out. This interpretation is a stretch, I know but I'm tryna make it work or explain myself in a way. Now that I've written that it kind of makes no sense but ... i don't care. peep the song for yourself...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sy2OJ12VYi8

So finally, I'm just going to write about anything I want. Probably about situations I see consistently that annoy me but I don't plan on calling people out and stuff. Not my thing..Oh, and I might throw some of my poems in her (gasp). Hahah, but yeah lets see how long this last cause....i suck at staying consistent with these things. bye now